Category Archives: Humor

Caregiving…It’s ra…..dic…u….lous

Caregivers are known for not taking care of themselves. I have let this stiff neck of mine haunt me for about 10 months. It took me at least 3 months to get myself to the chiropractor (who is my dear brother-in-law and treats me any time day or night, so here’s a shoutout to Yucha Chiropractic).

He tried tirelessly to get my neck to turn left and right. Because I had waited so long, my arms  tingled and it felt like hot pokers travelling along my triceps. This made removing T-shirts, sports bras and getting coffee cups out of the cabinet a Herculean task. Now, I don’t mind skipping the gym because of inappropriate clothing, but don’t mess with my morning coffee.

After serious chiropractic care and therapy, dressing, bathing and coffeeing were markedly improved. My neck was still stiff. Big deal. I taught myself to turn my entire body when merging into highway traffic. I made my workout buddy always take the elliptical to the left because that hurt less to turn and chat. I learned to sleep on my back because if I tried to sleep on my stomach, I had to keep my head lifted. My husband got spooked every time he turned towards me to see the Sphinx lying in wait.

So truthfully this wasn’t working. Six months go by, after I have an MRI, where I totally freak out on Brenda, the tech, and make her take me out of the MRI machine three times during a hellacious hot flash which turns into a panic attack. This is new to me. I believe I could watch my own open heart surgery and not freak out. Menopause and a stiffy (not that kind, you naughty reader). Ugh. So fun.

My chiro suggests a pain doctor. I finally get in to see him after a three month wait (no, I don’t go to the VA hospital, nor do I live in Canada). He says, “yep, you are a great candidate for cortisone shots.” Yay.

Shots were administered yesterday. It’s a mini-surgery. I warned them that I freaked out in the MRI, and they kindly called in a prescription for valium.  MRI freak outs surprise you with added benefits.

Post surgery on way to lunch…yea, I made my husband take me out for lunch. Even mini-surgery qualifies for staying out of the kitchen… I was turning my head like Linda Blair in the Exorcist. At least that’s how it felt. The nurse warned me that between the valium and lidocaine this could be a false positive.

After a night’s rest, it’s a bit painful, but I seem to remember sleeping on both sides last night, so that’s an improvement. It’s far from perfect, there is still pain, but they told me to wait a week to see what happens.

In the meantime, I read my MRI report.  I suffer from ridiculitis. Of course I do. I think the MRI doctor must have read these blogs.  Ok it’s radiculitis….but that just means I’m a humorist who cheers for myself…Rah Rah.

“You just have to Laugh…..”

©Cathy Sikorski

 

 

Caregiving blows hot and cold….

I’m entrenched in the rehab cycle right now. Many days to the rehab center every week are required to watch the progress of my brother-in-law, keep an eye on his care, and to make sure he’s behaving like a human being to the overworked, understaffed people running around trying to please everyone, and pretty much pleasing no one.

The very first day he entered rehab,in the dead of summer, he wasn’t there two hours and protesting royally about the heat. Now, MS sufferers really do need to be temperate. So his complaints were absolutely legitimate. To my amazement, the staff relocated him immediately to a bed where he would be next to the window and air-conditioner.

His first two roommates complained bitterly because they were freezing. My loved one had the thermostat at 60 degrees because he was alternately too hot and too cold. Ya’ think?

But the third roommate hopped on board with my brother-in-law, lickety split. They conferred daily, maybe even hourly, about how freakin’ hot it was in their room. The good news was that one guy wasn’t bundled in a sweat suit and blankets, while the other was half naked in a hospital gown embarrassing anyone who walked down the hall and peeked in mistakenly.

Flat Stanley in PA
What they want it to feel like

Every time I entered their room, the two gentlemen of Verona were commiserating about the unseemly state of the weather in their room. No matter how many times I reset the air conditioner, it wasn’t cold enough……for them. Meanwhile, anyone on the staff who was in  menopause was hanging out in their room to cool off.

By the third day of this, I was at my wit’s end trying to make these two guys happy. The only saving grace was they were enjoying the mutual complaint department. Sort of an “us against them”, giving rehab a fun kind of flavor.

Yesterday morning I entered their room and noticed that the staff had pulled the curtains closed during the night. The curtains were romantically billowing in the window forcing  the air conditioner to blow all the cold air straight up to the ceiling. I went to the window to draw open the curtains and let the cold air directly into the room. That was when I noticed the window panes had quite a bit of condensation. Looking closer, I saw the window was actually open. In fact, both windows were open. Open.

All night long, the July heat was drifting in through the open windows, allowing all the humidity to circle around and settle on their hot sweltering bodies. Ugh. Really? Someone came up with this idea as a way to cool these guys off?  I closed the windows. I asked the gentlemen to tell the staff to keep the windows closed.

The roommate quickly informed me that he thought the open windows constituted a good idea. It would allow circulation and air into the room at night. This logic reminded me of my mother-in-law.  Every time she left the house in tropical heat, she turned off the air conditioner. We told her she might as well turn off the refrigerator every time she left the house too, as that logic goes.

I return the next morning and the condensation is just waiting for me to put “Cathy was here” on the window.

Okay, so … I give up…..

“You just have to Laugh….”

Cathy Sikorski

 

 

 

 

 

I can see clearly now… the pain is gone…..

This is why you have to start taking care of yourself ASAP. And, admit maybe you should just go the old fashioned way.

My friend has always enjoyed perfect vision. As she beautifully progressed into middle age, she admired all those fancy reading glasses her friends were flaunting in hopes of looking fashionable (instead of old), and bought a pair for herself. Voila! She, herself could view ever so much better her books, her Kindle, her tax returns. Okay, she thought, not so bad. These glasses are super cute. Like when we all wanted to sport those sparkly cat’s eye glasses in the 50’s and 60’s because, well, they were just peachy keen, right?

Then she began to notice that looking far away was not all that productive either. Relenting, she went to the optometrist. Lo and behold…she needed glasses. Since her vision declined both near and far, she was encouraged to get bifocals.

“But wait!” she said, “what about contact lenses?”

“Well, of course,” said her doctor, “that’s no problem. You have to come in to be fitted.”

When fitting day arrived, my friend was beaming with happiness that modern technology gave her the opportunity to keep those old lady glasses at bay.

“Here we go!” said the perky technician. “Now, open wide, put one contact lens in each eye. We will let you get used to them for a bit, and then practice a couple of times putting them in and taking them out.”

In and out the contacts went. She was impressed that the contacts felt okay in her eyes with no real discomfort.

“Oh, that’s because they are soft lenses, so easy peasy,” the technician told her. “Let’s just do it one more time and then you’re good to go.”

In they go. Out they do not go. She pinches, she pulls, she tugs at imaginary things in her left eye. Nothing happens.

The lens was still in there. It had to be. Her eyes were watering like Niagara Falls, her fingers were giving her eye a proctology exam. She poked and prodded around desperately seeking a foreign object. Her eye was really hurting now and no lens appeared on her finger.

“Oh my!” said the tech as she leaped out of her chair to get the doctor.

“Well,” the doctor said, “I must say we’ve never had this before.”

He gazed at her eye in the special machine.

“Oh, oh my, oh that can’t be good,” said the doctor.

“What? what?” said my friend, mildly in a panic, okay probably not so mildly.

“Well, it looks like you broke the lens into three pieces in your eye. So we’re going to have to numb your eye and flip your eyelid so we can fish those pieces out of there.”

Yea…………

Her new bifocals are really quite fashion forward.

“You just have to Laugh….”

Cathy Sikorski

 

“What do women want? Shoes.” Mimi Pond

In honor of what would have been my mother-in-law’s 98th birthday, a shoe story comes to mind.

About 2 years ago, Marie got very, very ill. She was in intensive care for a few weeks. Between an infection in her big toe and dangerously low body temperature, she was in a precarious place. The conversation vacillated between surgery to remove her toe, foot or part of her leg and just seeing how she would fare at 96 years old.  (I know, when does this get funny?)

She miraculously recovered with the help of a ‘bear hug’ which is like super groovy bubble wrap that keeps you warm and brings up your body temp. And in other news, her toe took care of itself by just falling off. I know, it’s gross and horrible, but it was just the tip and the infection was then completely out of her system.

Because walking was kind of weird now, Marie had to wear special surgical shoes and regain control of her balance. She was hustled home from the hospital with peculiar shoes and instructions for physical therapy.

Her first day home, I visited her during therapy and she was quite agile and perky. I returned the next day and since it was a weekend, there was no therapy. Sitting in her  chair, she was wearing her favorite sneakers.

“Oh, no, no, Marie, that will not do,” I said.  “You need to wear the other shoes until your foot is healed and you can walk properly.”

“What other shoes?” she said. “These are my shoes.”

I wasn’t born  yesterday. In five minutes, I was hauling out the ugly, black orthopedic surgical shoes that were somehow conveniently stuffed way in the back of her closet behind suitcases and Depends packages, I displayed to her the offending footwear.

“This is what you need to wear while your foot heals.”

“Ugh,” she muttered.

Two days later, I moseyed back to the therapy room and there she ambled in the ugly shoes, but her pristine sneakers sat lovingly next to the walker waiting to be put back on Cinderella’s pining feet.

The therapist took me aside.

“She insisted on wearing her real shoes, except in therapy. It’s really not good for healing or balance. Maybe you can talk to her.”

I devised a different plan. Whilst she meandered all around the therapy room, I snatched the glass slippers like an ugly step-sister and hid them deep in the therapy room closet.

I was well versed in diversion by now and spirited her so quickly to lunch after therapy that she forgot about those sneakers. After lunch we strolled outside and then I settled her in her favorite chair for a post-repast siesta.

For the next four weeks, every time I visited Marie, she asked me the same question:

“Where did Rachel put my shoes?”

Rachel is my daughter. She had been known to play a practical joke or two on Grandma over the years. When she was a youngster, Rachel would steal Grandma’s refrigerator magnets and return them a few weeks later. One time she asked Grandma if it was ok to ‘look’ at  Grandma’s costume jewelry. That Easter, Grandma admired her own necklace around Rachel’s neck. However, at the time of this shoe incident, Rachel was firmly ensconced in graduate school in Ireland.

“Rachel, did not take your shoes, Marie. You have to wear these other ones to get better.”

“Yes, she did. Tell her I want them back.”

Simultaneously with her complete recovery, Rachel came home for a visit. When she came to see Grandma, there she was holding the shoes out like Prince Charming. What the heck….whatever works when you’re a  caregiver.

“You just have to Laugh….”

Cathy Sikorski

 

 

 

I’d like to thank my Readers..and, of course World Peace

So, if you know me and my quirky husband, you know I love candy and he loves beer.

How fitting that our lucky winner was a combination of all our loves!

Mary JanesMy dear friend, who is oh generous with her time as my very patient  French teacher, Mary Jane is lucky number 33! Tres bon, n’est-ce pas?

I was so glad it wasn’t someone named “Salmon” because it may be the only thing I really hate to eat….even someone named “Brussel Sprouts” would have been welcomed with open arms!

 

Reader WinIf you didn’t see the “33” on the Rolling Rock, please look again. So that next time you can go around to your favorite watering holes and see if you can figure out how Mr. Quirky makes his lucky picks!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU , THANK YOU  to my AWESOMEST READERS!  I hope to continue to entertain you…..and am working hard on getting my book published so you can sit down with me for a few hours and eat candy and drink beer. Sounds good, n’est-ce pas?

“You just have to Laugh….”

Cathy Sikorski

It’s your lucky day……….

So apparently  my gorgeous, amazing readers are kind of a shy bunch. Or, they were making so many of their own laughs for 4th of July weekend that they got tears of joy in their keyboards and are now frantically trying to comment for that gift they know is rightfully theirs!

I made my hubby put his magic number in that sealed envelope. So we have to get to 50 comments before we open it. Like I said, it could be 1, it could be 50…I have no clue.

Since we are half-way there and only nice people have commented so far, I invite every previous commenter to go again…make a stampede like The Lion King, then one of you can go buy all the Hakuna Matata you want (or whatever 50 bucks would get you).

Good luck and thanks again for all your support!

“You just have to Laugh…..”

Cathy Sikorski

Happy 4th of July! A comment could be worth $50….

On this Fourth of July, in the spirit of Dependence—yes, I depend on you my adorable readers, and I want to give you all a big hug and a gift. But that would be hard, and I’m busy caregiving. However…………

This week I went over the moon when I saw I have over 500 followers! I am so grateful that you are riding this roller coaster with me either as a caregiver, friend, or the person who must always ride in the front seat, no matter how scary the ride.

So, as a special thanks, I want to bestow one lucky reader a $50 Target gift card. (I thought 500 dimes would be hard to ship). As soon as my husband returns home from golfing I’m going to have him pick a number from 1 to 50.  The commenter who is that magic number will be the appreciated reader!

It’s small potatoes for the kind and loyal readers you have become. I appreciate each and every one of you. I love your comments and  your stories about caregiving and hope you continue to share. In fact, one day we will have a sharing day with appreciation too, I think.

Now, my husband can be a quirky guy. (If you call khakis and golf shirts, with the occasional button down collar quirky) and he could pick the number 1.  So you never know. This is not a contest (the lawyer in me) it’s a gift. I just don’t know who it’s for.

If you comment 50 straight times, well, that wouldn’t be nice now would it? I reserve the right to give my gift to a nice person….so only nice people will be counted.

Happy 4th of July to you all!

“You just have to Laugh……”

Cathy Sikorski

Driving….your friends crazy

You know how you always think you’re smarter than every one else? Especially if you’re a caregiver. Mostly because you are reminded on a daily basis that you are at least thinking harder than most everyone you come in contact with.

A smart person with a person who thinks she's smart
A smart person with a person who thinks she’s smart

And yet, there are those days, where  you are reminded that even you, Superhuman Caregiver can be the dope.

When my friend was felled with a traumatic brain injury, her friends rallied around to make sure she went to all necessary doctor appointments. One does not traumatize the brain without adding things like, broken bones, sprains, strains, cuts, bruises and vision problems in with the mix. Driving yourself is out.

I really hate driving in the city. It used to scare me.  Admittedly, once you’ve driven into and out of the big city a million times, you hate it for different reasons. But a traumatic brain injury and it’s accompaniments require big city, good hospitals.

I volunteered to be the driver, so long as another friend would go along for navigation, walking to the door, or whatever else would be required.

The first time we went, the directions led us to a parking lot a thousand miles away from the building we needed. The second time we went, we found the super secret parking lot right at the back door. The third time we went we couldn’t remember how to get to the super secret parking lot. The fourth time, well this is what happened.

We pre-planned so that we could once again find the super secret parking lot. When we got to the highway exit for the hospital, it was closed. We took the next exit and ended up about 52 blocks away from our destination. Undaunted, I drove down those numbered streets until we reached the magic number….34th Street. Whereupon we came upon a busted water main break flooding the entire block north, south, east and west.

Appointment time was getting ever closer, as we sat in snarled traffic wondering what to do, I concocted a brilliant idea.

“Get out!” I said to my injured friend and my trusty sidekick helper.

They just looked at me, like I was Noah kicking them out of the boat.

“No, seriously, get out and start walking. It’s only four blocks. I’ll park anywhere I can and find you, and then I’ll go get the car when we are done at the doctor.”

They hop out into six inches of fast flowing water and jump over as much of it as they can. Tonto, the sidekick holding on to the patient hoping against hope that she doesn’t fall over and drown both of them.

I sat there for another five minutes, traffic finally starts to break and I drive around in circles. Miraculously and quite by accident I ended up at the super secret parking lot.

When Tonto and the patient enter the lobby, drenched from the knees down, there I was comfortably and dryly, waiting for them.

Hard to believe they asked me to drive again.

“You just have to Laugh……”

Cathy Sikorski

What do Depends and Dr. Pepper have in common?

I just read an article that says there’s  a ‘new trend’ that men are becoming caregivers. Hmmmm. I picture this:

Me: Honey, I need you to go get Depends.

My man: Okay. Where? What aisle? What size?

Me: Go to WalMart. They are in the aisle where there are feminine hygiene products. The package is green. Get Men’s Large.

My man: Okay. Which Walmart? Where is that aisle? How many packages do you want?

Me: Go to the Walmart in our town. Go behind the aspirin aisle. Get two packages.

My man: Okay. When do you need them? How much do they cost?

Me: Never mind.

See.. here’s the thing, My  man has done absolutely nothing wrong. He wants all the right information. He wants to do it correctly and I want him to read my mind, clearly and accurately and I don’t want to explain anything.

I’m sure many a caregiver would gladly give up her caregiving duties to a member of the opposite sex…but it’s like diaper changing ………you’re just not doing it right……………..and that’s where you get in trouble.

Don’t scare your male helper away. Trust him. You did marry him, or raise him, or punched him when he was your big brother tickling you. It’s like Dr. Pepper:  I can do it, you can do it, he can do it, we can do it, wouldn’t you like to be a caregiver too?

P.S. This is not to say the those brave men who are caregivers already, don’t know what they’re doing….they are apparently just more ‘trendy’ than women caregivers.

You just have to Laugh………..

Cathy Sikorski

 

 

 

 

It’s not the size of the Ship……

A ‘side effect’ of Multiple Sclerosis can be a myriad of urinary tract infections. If left unfound for even a day or two, these infections can turn ugly very quickly. In the old and infirm any nurse (do not translate doctor, only nurse) can tell you that a UTI can make the patient seem crazy, terroristic, and downright demented. Once the infection is under control, your loved one returns as if they were on an amnesiac’s vacation.

Caregivers who experience this more than once are always prepared and at the first hint of trouble, we get a urine sample, a doctor’s appointment, an antibiotic, or whatever it takes to stave off the impending doom.

And………………you make sure, as a caregiver, that no one steps on your toes, whilst trying to prevent a UTI.

After spending three consecutive Friday nights in the ER due to UTI infection, even my brother-in-law doesn’t allow any shenanigans when it comes to prevention. The one thing that can cause a UTI faster than you can say ‘UTI’ is a Foley catheter. This is an internal catheter, not to be confused with a Texas catheter which is the big ol’ nice name for a condom catheter.  Oh, those Texans, anything big and manly belongs to them.

One fine Wednesday night, my brother-in-law spikes a blood sugar that Willy Wonka would be proud of and must high tail it back to the hospital. This spike, sure enough, signifies an infection. His white count is higher than Mount Everest and his behavior is actually still normal. Yay….we caught it in time.

Hooked up to IV antibiotics, treated for a few other annoying maladies, and complaining about hospital food tells me that recovery is just around the corner, with one tiny (or he would have you believe extra-large) exception. They don’t have his size catheter in the hospital. Really. They don’t have his size catheter in the hospital. Because every single man in the entire tri-county area is one size fits all. And girls, you thought size mattered.

I make a hasty trip to my brother-in-law’s apartment to snatch from his personal Texas catheter supply. As we entered his hospital room, my husband said to my brother-in-law:

“No worries, man, we have brought the ‘hombre grande’ catheters you ordered.”

And even though I can believe almost anything any more, three days later, I had a suspicion and grabbed a fresh supply of catheters to take to him. I eavesdrop through his hospital door as they are changing his sheets.

“You aren’t using my catheters,” said my brother-in-law, “these don’t fit.”

“Yes we are,” said the aide,” I think the nurse is getting a Foley catheter, so we don’t have to change the sheets so much.”

“No, no, no.” I heard him say. “I have UTI’s and a Foley is not for me.”

I burst through the door, like Cathwoman :

“I bring the correct catheters!” Sort of Shakesperean and Marvel comics at the same time. “There will be no Foleys, these are the ones that fit.”

As she leaves the room, with a weird expression on her face, I checked the supply of his private catheters in his room. Nope, they have replaced them all with the wrong size.

You have to be on guard….and…………..

“You just have to Laugh……………..”

Cathy Sikorski