Tag Archives: Jesus

Who Needs an Invisibility Cloak?

Humor, , , , , , , , , , ,

We had a spring break here in the Northeast this week. Two days in the middle of the week went to 75 degrees. Just three days before, we were blanketed with five inches of snow. In case you missed it, or for those of you who love watching me be ridiculous:

But like I said, three days later,  we were wearing shorts, flip-flops, and sleeveless tops.  It was crazy. And this brings more angst than one would imagine. I had a pretty important business meeting on the second day of spring fever. It took me hours to find clothing for this meeting. Have you ever had that problem? It wasn’t just that I wanted to look nice, but this weather phenomenon was my own personal global warming nightmare.

First, like Gus, the second most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania, I don’t need to keep svelte for a February performance like Punxsutawney Phil. I kind of layer up for warmth in the winter, if you know what I mean. And I don’t mean clothing…I mean I’m part black bear and add a layer of warming fat to my bones….strictly for hibernation purposes.

What this means in the emergency situation of a February heat wave is that well, none of my pants fit. At least none of the pants that are made for warm weather. Which would be okay, I’ve been here before and can usually rectify that by Easter (as long as it doesn’t come too early, Lent is the great equalizer. Thank you, Jesus.)

In the alternative, I think  I’ll wear a dress or a skirt. But lo and behold, my toenails look like a cross between Wolverine’s talons and a forgotten jar of mustard in the back of the fridge. I try not to have pedicures during the winter to give my toenails a break from the lacquer.  It does make a difference, for the health of my toenails. Covered in UGGS, socks, slippers and even fashionable boots all winter long makes for healthy feet. But not pretty feet.

Where’s the pedicure?!?

Why that matters is because I don’t have summer shoes where your toes are hidden. So now I’m pantsless and shoeless or sweltering hot in sweaters and wool trousers pretending I’m having hot flashes for a whole meeting. Perhaps there is an upside to menopause.

WHAT DO I DO?

I realize that no one is looking at me.

How the hell did I forget that middle-aged women are invisible? This would make me quite angry at any other time. I’m a ‘look-at-me’ kind of gal. For this one day, I’m embracing my invisibility and wearing shoes with my un-pedicured toes sticking out.

 

The new me!

I’d show you a picture, but I’m invisible. So there, Harry Potter.

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

©2018 Cathy Sikorski

Let’s Twist Again, and other Cool Things…..

Humor, , , , , , , , , , , ,

I’m at a girls’ week where the average age is 67.8, okay, a mature women’s week. We are on a beach watching young families, teens and just a sprinkling of our demographic. We are the ones who are talking about these things….. You’ve heard that we can’t hear. You’ve seen where we are squinting at everything. You’ve watched as we fall down, misplace our glasses on our own heads, and look for the mayonnaise, the iPad, and the super-secret book with all our passwords while each one was right in front of us every time.

But I decided we need a twist on aging.

Did you know we have secret skills?

1. We are fluent in a rare foreign language. E-Way an-cay eak-spay ig-pay atin-Lay!

2.  We can sing old commercials that were full-length songs:

Does your shoe have a boy inside?
What a funny place for a boy to hide?
Does your shoe have a dog there, too?
A boy and a dog and a foot in a shoe!
Well, the boy is Buster Brown
And the dog is Tige is his friend.
They’re really just a picture
But it’s fun to play pretend!
So…look, look, look
In your telephone book for the store that sells the shoe
With the picture of the boy and the dog inside
That you can put your foot into!
Woof Woof
Buster Brown Shoes!

(I did not look that up…and yes, I can sing it.)

3.   We have colorful histories about World War II, Korea, the Vietnam War, Woodstock, hippies, The Democratic National Convention…in 1968, life before computers, color TV, telephone lines, ‘party lines’,  that you shared with your neighbors (or listened to with your best hold-your-breath-eavesdropping.)

4.  Modern kids did not start the drug culture…just sayin’.

5. Today, on National Coffee Day, we too celebrate the joys of coffee that we drank at home for much cheaper.

6.  Our music was considered revolutionary, rebellious and obscene….too.

7. We loved long hair on boys, although we, too seem to have forgotten that…… as we used to use Jesus as our answer to all those ‘squares’ who didn’t think long hair was cool.

And this was long hair!

So ask a person who you think is old this question:

“Can you tell me something cool about when you were young?”

The answer may intrigue and surprise you.

Woof Woof!

You Just have to Laugh….

©2017 Cathy Sikorski

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Make Me Feel….like an idiot….

Caregivers, Humor, Multiple Sclerosis, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , ,

Last week I had to spend 8 hours in the hospital waiting for my brother-in-law to come out of emergency surgery. All went well, in fact, so well, that they sent him straight home. Because he had been without food or drink for 24 hours, I decided to  go get him dinner and bring it to the rehab center. I didn’t trust that at 7:00 P.M. they would provide a nutritious meal, or any meal for that matter, because, you know, “the kitchen is closed.”

When I arrived at the rehab center with his hoagie, chips and root beer (okay, not so nutritious, but he was hungry and I was tired), there was a tray being delivered to his room. It contained one pathetic grilled cheese sandwich. That’s it, not even chips or a pickle, after no food for 24 hours. There wasn’t even a picture of Donald Trump or Jesus burned into the grilled cheese, and yet we were to believe that it was a miracle he had a sandwich from the kitchen at this hour!

The next day, I was exhausted. i just wanted to stay at home and work on my computer, sit on my deck, read a book and be left alone. As I was enjoying my solitude, I decided to play some music while I cleaned up the house.

I could not get the BOSE to turn on. The only way the BOSE radio and CD player works is with a remote control. The old BOSE, which died and they so thoughtfully replaced for a mere $250, had buttons on the unit and a remote. But someone in design thought, “Hey what do we need those buttons for? We have a remote!”

I’ll tell you what they need those buttons for.

So this remote which is the size and thickness of a credit card, does not work. No matter how many times or how hard I press those buttons nothing is happening. In my infinite wisdom, I decide : “Oh I’ll just put in a CD. I don’t need to listen to the radio.”

So in goes, Carole King’s amazing album from 1971: Tapestry.

I cant’ turn the volume up to drown out my warbling, because, you know, the buttons don’t work. So I sing softly, so I can hear Carole.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Msmnb676RxI

Three hours later I want to kill Carole. The earth has moved and everyone is so far away, but I can’t turn off the damn BOSE, because, you know the buttons don’t work.

I finally discover with a magnifying glass, in that credit-card-sized remote is a teeny, tiny place for a battery, which I do manage to purchase after going to three different stores.

It never occurred to me I could pull the plug, it was too late baby, for that.

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

©2015 Cathy Sikorski