Midlife has it’s ups and downs.

One of my downs is sitting down about a hundred times a day to pee. This was even before my new healthy diet regimen.

My new diet requires me to drink half my body weight in water every day. I try to get this accomplished by lunchtime so that I’m not up all night in the loo. But during the day, I scout out ladies’ rooms as soon as I enter any establishment.

For some reason, I have now become the toilet paper goddess. Every where I go, and I go everywhere, the toilet paper roll beckons me to refill her. Initially, I thought this was a random event.

“Sure,” I thought out loud in a stall in Wegman’s grocery store one day, “you need a new roll!”

“No,” came the nervous reply from the next stall, “I’m fine, really.”

Oops. Talking out loud seems to be another phase of aging.

Then I noticed how deft I became at all kinds of different toilet paper delivery systems. It was like I was training to be a Navy Seal. I had to get the old roll off, the new roll unwrapped, slipped on the shaft, and snapped back into place, and unravel the glued end for use in record time. Pretty sure I was almost ready to take on an M16.

Eventually, it started to piss me off…pun intended.

Why oh why am I the only human being on this earth who knows how to change a roll of toilet paper? When I enter the stall and the paper is empty or one square is hanging on for dear life, I reflect on how it was just too much trouble for the last user to make this  effort for the next guest.

Okay. Fine.

Since part of my  new spiritual diet is being grateful, I decided to be grateful for every opportunity I have to make the next person’s ablutions an exceptional experience. I am grateful that there is in fact, another roll of toilet paper to be installed. I’m grateful that my bladder is working so well that I can discover a lavatory with internal radar from 50 feet.

I thought about giving up all these diets, but then who would be there to change the toilet paper?

“You Just have to Laugh….”

©Cathy Sikorski 2015