Monthly Archives: December 2013

Learning Curve

If you read the post below this “A Holiday for Who??”….(or want to read it first, THEN come back here)

So not an hour after I finished my last post, I started wrapping SCORES of gifts and realized I would save my back, my shoulders and my sanity if I got the card table downstairs, instead of sitting on the floor pretending I’m a 10 year-old.

I actually tell myself, you should put shoes on….you KNOW what just happened…but I’m wiser now…I see the table neatly tucked in the corner, go confidently over there and smash the same foot on the same brick that I MOVED there so I wouldn’t do it again in front of the freezer.

Yup…really did that.

You just have to laugh……

 

 

 

 

 

 

A holiday for who????

In a sense, we mothers, never stop caregiving. And when you’re kids come home for Christmas from college and their ‘real lives’, you sort of begin all over again.  Which of course, we LOVE, right?

But then you can’t find your favorite pj’s or slippers. Or you are under constant demand to mate the sox that you let pile up in the ever-growing ‘volcano of  unmatched socks’ because your little darlings could only bring home so much stuff, and you haven’t replenished the unforgivable pile of stuff until Christmas  day. So c’mon, Mom get it together, we’re home now and you love us.

And I do, I really, really do like  you…so much so that Dad already knows he’s been relegated to the back seat of ‘attention’ and accepts his fate as driver, drink provider (now that all are over 21..YAY) and default errand runner for all things Christmas.

What turns us caregivers into “I-DON’T-CARE” givers? About ourselves, I mean. At the drop of a semester, and a holiday, we ramp up our to-do lists, our need to make magic for everyone, and our total and complete exhaustion all in the name of creating, “it’s a wonderful life”. If only George Bailey would have gone for a massage and a facial, had his nails done (including a peppermint pedi) and THEN came home and said:

“You know what,  you’re right. Life is pretty terrific with me in it! I feel refreshed, relaxed and well-groomed. Let’s eat!”

But noooo. Like George, we caregivers choose to take the hard road. Like today when my daughter asked for chicken. And like an idiot, in the middle of making bacon for my other daughter, I ran to the basement in my bare feet (cause’ chicken daughter absconded with my slippers when hers broke in the middle of the night), zoomed over to the freezer all the while, keeping a mental timer on that bacon so it didn’t get too crispy, didn’t bother to turn the light on, cause I KNOW where the freezer is in my basement, and promptly smashed my toes, likely breaking at least two of them, into a brick that was left lying in front of the freezer.

Yay caregivers the world over! Yay Christmas! Damn you George Bailey, you just couldn’t take care of yourself for once and be a lesson to us all?

Merry Christmas, caregivers…..cause

You just have to Laugh………………….

Cathy Sikorski

The most important meal of the day…..

I wanted to return to ‘my roots’ of why I started this blog. I believed (and still do) that there is a real honest place in caregiving for laughter. There’s no way you can do this day in and day out and not see the humor in all the craziness around you.

Today is an homage to my dear mother-in-law. She was known for her subtle sense of humor. She would laugh at whatever you tossed out there as funny and she could come up with a zinger or two herself when necessary. So I feel quite certain that given the time and the retrospective, she too, would see.

So once my 94 year-old mother-in-law moved into her assisted living facility, she was quite content. She adjusted quickly and enjoyed her feisty bingo games, where the winner got a quarter for each victory(I too became a little over zealous with “BINGO!” when helping her play…to WIN)She seemed to enjoy her table companions at breakfast, lunch and dinner, as well. The facility tried to keep the table companions constant so that they could get acquainted and hopefully, enjoy some conversation at mealtime.

Things were going swimmingly. But as time rolled on and Mom became more comfortable with her surroundings, she actually began to backslide into more childlike behavior. Eventually, she needed more help dressing, reminders to go to meals, and assistance to get ready for and go to bed. Otherwise she would never change her clothes, forget to go to meals, and stay up all night watching TV and dozing in her favorite chair. (This became such a pastime for her over the last 20 years, that I was tempted to put her in that chair for her viewing….most of us would have said “Oh she looks so natural.”)

Then her time clock began to get out of whack. She would put her pajamas on after breakfast, she would refuse to go to meals because she just ate, and she would wonder why no one was coming to get her for a meal, when she had just returned to her room from lunch.

One day I went to see her and she was sound asleep in her bed at 11 o’clock in the morning. This was extremely unusual for Mom. She has been an early riser since the dawn of time, and she NEVER would go back to bed for a nap or if she was sick. She would just get dressed, take to her beloved chair, and snore away the day resting comfortably…but NEVER napping. (I think that’s reserved for lazy people like me who try to nap every day, if possible).

I go to the nurse’s office to see if they know why Mom is in bed.

“Hey, ladies! Do you happen to know why my Mom is in bed at 11:00 in the morning?”

“Ummm, not really, maybe  her aide knows?”

I hunt down her aide, and this is the story:

“She got up around 1:00 AM. I saw that she was out of her pj’s and completely dressed for the day. So I said, ‘Hey M, where are you off to?’

“I’m going down for breakfast.”

“No, darlin’ it’s not time yet, let me help you back in bed. It won’t be for awhile, so you need to get some rest.”

“Ok,” she said.

The aide took her back to her room, put her back in her nightgown and tucked her in bed.

At 3:00 AM, the aide sees my mother-in-law down in the dining room.

“Hey M, what’s going on?”

“I’m here for my breakfast.”

“No, sweetie, it’s not time yet, let’s go rest for a bit and then we will come get you for breakfast.”

Back they go to her room, get her back in her pj’s and tuck her in.

At 5:00 AM, my mother-in-law enters the dining room, perfectly coiffed and ready for breakfast. It’s dark in there and no one is at her table.

“Good Morning, M. you’re down here a bit early,” says the aide.

“I’m here for breakfast.”

“Well, that ‘s not until 8 o’clock, how about I take you back to your room to watch TV until we come get you?”

“Ok.”

At a quarter to 8, the aide goes into Marie’s room. She has now changed herself BACK into her nightgown and is asleep in her bed, as the morning sun streams brightly into her room.

“C’mon, M, it’s time to get up and go to breakfast!” says the aide.

“Oh forget it,” says my mother-in-law, and turns over and goes back to sleep.

You just have to Laugh……

Cathy Sikorski

Just searching for approval….not PRE-approval

I have been so lucky with my brother-in-law, L this  past year. He has been pretty healthy for a guy with MS and relegated to a power wheel chair. The year before he was very sick off and on and required boat loads of my time. But this year, he has just been doing remarkably well, which led me into this complacent place of thinking all is well in the medical world….at least with L.

And actually, he’s fine–ish. But we are now in a push to get some testing and medical work done before the end of the year. And I just forgot how to do things, and how things would be done to me.

On Monday, L needs an ultrasound to check a worrisome kidney cyst. Okay,  I set up the test at the correct hospital and the correct facility of the hospital. His Medicare insurance requires him to go to certain facilities. Sometimes the ordering physician knows that and sometimes he doesn’t. But after 10 years, I KNOW it and so I set up as many of these tests without their “help”, so we don’t have insurance issues in the future.

I make sure the test is between his breakfast and his dinner, because even though he’s gained at least 40 pounds in the last three years, he gets really cranky if he misses a meal. I get that….it’s part social, part his inalienable right, and part “I’m hungry!!”. Okay, no sweat.

I call the ambulance transport and set up transport to the facility and the eventual doctor’s appointment to discuss the results of the test. And I even make sure the blood work is scheduled to be done at his apartment as a “home draw”, which requires a request to the lab directly from the doctor’s office, because I am not PERMITTED to ask the lab to come to his apartment, since  he is wheelchair bound and has no  transportation….ONLY the doctor can do that. (who of course, doesn’t ever remember that and so must be reminded by me, and then the lab calls me to make sure they can come at a convenient time…UGH does this really make ANY SENSE TO ANYONE????)

And then I realize, three days later, and three days before the test. Oh crap, I didn’t get PRE-CERTIFICATION for the ambulance, which must be a gurney and not a wheel chair transport  (which we will discuss another day) because he must be put on a table for an ultrasound and he cannot get out of the chair and onto a table by himself.

So…………….I call for the pre-certification:

“Hello, I’m calling for a pre-certification.” (This of course, after pushing 42 buttons and getting disconnected, and being asked at least four times: “are you calling for a pre-certification?)

“Okay, can I have the name of the member, his ID number, his date of birth, his first born.”.(okay they didn’t ask for that, but they might as well have)

And after I get it all squared away, I think…

“Now, you will have to have the ambulance transport company call us to request that.”

“Well, I’ve tried that before. First of all, they won’t do that. Second, in order to request this you need the prescription, the diagnosis code and the physician’s name, am I correct?”

“Well, yes, so that we can approve that it is medically necessary for him to have transport.”

“Well, the ambulance company does not have the prescription, I do. And furthermore, I wouldn’t give it to them, nor do they want all this medical information on my brother-in-law. Not to mention that I’m pretty sure it would violate like 100 kinds of HIPPA laws to be passing around his diagnosis and doctor names and medical test information, don’t ya’ think?”

“Umm, well………Can you hold for just a second?” the nice lady at the insurance company says to me (the mean lady trying to get ambulance transport for the hundredth time with the same argument for the past three years)

“Okay,” she says as she comes back on the line, “can you give me all of that prescription information?”

“Of course,” I say. NOW, I hope against hope that we are really almost there.

“Well,” she says, “that will do it!” Very bright and chipper I might add!

“Oh, no, no, no,” says the voice of experience, “I need an authorization number,” knowing full well that the ambulance company won’t transport without it.

“Well, okay, I can give that to you, but this has to go to our medical team to determine if it’s approved. You will get a confirmation in 2 to 3 days.”

“Okay,” I say, “just give me the number.”

Because I know their dirty little secret. They will approve this BY MAIL in a week, if I’m lucky. But I will not cancel the test, because they will put on their approval that the transport is approved for the day of the test, effectively making it retroactive. But if  I wait for pre-approval, I will magically have to know when the approval will come in to schedule the test since they only approve a specific date. Don’t overthink it. It’s complicated and stupid. I’ve played this game so many times, I just know how to do it. Trust me.

 

You just have to Laugh……………………..

Cathy Sikorski

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A snapshot of Thanksgiving….no pictures exist

This Thanksgiving we were all reminded of days gone by…..and it turned from what to be thankful for, to who has ever had the worst Thanksgiving. Which is kinda of funny since, isn’t that the day we are supposed to look back and be….well…thankful?

So after a few “can you top this crappy Thanksgiving stories“, we all remembered with reverence and a few tears that this is Aunt J’s holiday to spend with us. Now if you remember, Aunt J couldn’t hear a lick, and because of macular degeneration, couldn’t see all that well either. In days gone by, Aunt J and my mother-in-law would be here for a day or two before Thanksgiving and be right in there helping with all the food prep and getting the house in order. Aunt J decided that her job would be chopping vegetables. Someone(probably me) got out the glass cutting board, because it’s big and two people could use it at one time. And the chopping began, onions, celery, parsley, potatoes. Ten pounds of potatoes requires a lot of peeling and chopping, as does the accompanying onions, celery and parsley to make three or four casseroles of Pennsylvania Dutch potato stuffing.

What none of us realized is that when one can’t see or hear very well, AND when one is hell-bent-for-election to get ten pounds of potatoes with all the accoutrements done in a timely manner….well, one Aunt J to be specific, turned that glass cutting board into a jackhammer. All of us in the kitchen, and there were close to 10 people in there slaving away, were standing there with eyes as wide as saucers looking at one another with alarm and an internal cry for help.

My mother-in-law went first:

“J, you’re doing that too hard, you’re gonna’ break the cutting board,” she said.

Aunt J just kept chop, chop, chopping away, in kind of a maniacal look if you want to know the truth.

Next up: my mom, in the loudest voice she could muster:

“J?…………….J?………………J!!!”

Miraculously, J looks up from her mission to crush, kill, destroy.

My mom takes her hand out of the pot she is stirring, and makes a gesture to slow down, kind of like they do when you’re driving through a construction area on a highway and they want everyone to SLOW THE HELL DOWN!

Aunt J shakes her head in the affirmative and ever so SLOWLY chops an onion in half, then in quarters, then starts to dice, and well, just can’t help herself. Apparently dicing is a gateway to methamphetamines and other dangerous things.

Finally, I take all her toys away and just before she can shed a tear that’s not related to onion chopping, I replace the glass cutting board with a super heavy duty plastic one. The muffler of all cutting boards, even though we never knew we needed such a thing. Everyone grabbed their requisite wine glass that accompanies Thanksgiving day food prep (what? that’s not a thing????) and let the little chopping elf continue her important work.

That was years ago…. haven’t gotten that glass cutting board out since.

You just have to laugh……

Cathy Sikorski