When I returned home from a trip abroad recently, I noticed that I just could not get my ears to unclog. After two weeks, I relented and went to the Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist.

I thought I couldn’t hear in my left ear. The doctor started in my right ear and removed more than a bit of wax, and said, “well, maybe that will take care of it.”

My left ear, however still sounded clogged to me. He examined it, and thought perhaps there was fluid in my Eustachian tube. That required a hearing test.

It turns out that there may indeed be fluid in there or some nerve impingement that you can get from flying, because I do have a hearing loss.

However, my  hearing test was so bad, that the doctor wondered if I had a history of family deafness. Did anyone complain that I couldn’t hear? Can I hear the television? the radio? answer the phone with no trouble?

The answer to all these questions is: I have never had a hearing problem. In fact, I was pretty sure I had exemplary hearing. I could hear every little thing my kids were doing upstairs with out a monitor. I heard them fighting outside before someone came in crying. I’m pretty sure I have ADD because I can hear the TV and the radio at the same time and try to process what they are both saying.

But he showed me the bell curve. Both my ears are deficient according to the test. I’ve probably been hearing deficient since birth. Who knew?  It may however, explain why I am always the loudest one in the room.  At a writing retreat in Provincetown we were all reading our masterpieces for the final night, and that was the night of town fireworks. My professor was astonished that I could read my entire piece over the fireworks and the audience could hear every word. I’ve obviously developed some compensatory skills.

So I’m on steroids for a week to see if the fluid clears up and take a new hearing test in two weeks. But I’ve discovered I now have a secret weapon. Selective hearing.

“You need to lose weight,” What? I don’t remember hearing that.

“We need to clean out that closet.” Hmmm. Don’t remember anyone saying that. Probably didn’t hear it.

“You can’t help me? I never heard you say that.”

See, it’s a caregivers’ dream! And now when I say I didn’t hear that, my kids, my husband, Medicare….they all have to believe me. I keep a copy of the bell curve in my purse, just in case I need proof!

“You Just have to Laugh……..”

©Cathy Sikorski 2015