Category Archives: Uncategorized

Fairy Tales Can Come True……………..

Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , , , ,

Last Wednesday I got the phone call every girl dreams of. Yes, George Clooney invited me to his lake house on the Amalfi Coast!

No, it was better than that. My Congressman, Ryan Costello of the 6th District of Pennsylvania, through  his amazing assistant, Lisa Reynolds called me to say my mother’s problems with the Veterans Administration are well on their way to being solved.

As a caregiver, we list this in the miracle column.

If you have followed my past few blogs about this journey wherein I am trying to get the VA to correct their mistake from 15 years ago and get my Mom back on to her proper medical insurance, you know it has been nothing less than a”clusterf#$%k.”   That quote, by the way, directly from a VA customer service rep who thought he had put me on hold, and that moment was ever so much better than any Muzak.

Since January 9, I have already spent countless hours on the phone and faxing, scanning, emailing and snail-mailing documents to various demons of the Veteran’s Administration and Department of Defense hoping against hope that I could stave off a medical insurance disaster before it happened.

In the interim, my husband suggested I call our Congressman. I was thinking about that very thing. Since my  husband gets Congressman Costello’s newsletter, he noticed that he has a position on the Veterans Administration Committee. So, what the heck! Ain’t that what we pay these guys for?

I spoke with the ever-so-kind Lisa Reynolds. I faxed her all the documentation that I was constantly sending out to the Federalis. And for some odd reason, I just let her do her thing and waited to hear from her, probably because I continued to inundate myself with phone calls and wild goose chases to the VA.

On Wednesday, Lisa called to say that the Congressman has gotten my  mother registered with the correct medical insurance back to 2002!! Hooray. Happiness, Joy, Exaltation.

Not so fast………………..

“That’s the good news,” she said. Uh oh.

“The only glitch is, your mother has to submit all those incorrectly paid bills, for the last 15 years, to the new insurance with in 180 days or it will not be covered and she will be responsible for those medical bills,”

Oh gee whiz, that sounds so easy, like , I don’t know, gathering all the pine cones in the forest for the last 15 years and then shoving them up their ………… sorry, I got distracted looking for a metaphor.

“But we have until August,” Lisa exclaimed.

Yay?

Yet, she most assuredly told me that she would assist me in getting all that information from the old insurance company to send to the new one. Mind you, these are both arms of  Veterans Administration insurance. It’s not like it’s Aetna and United Healthcare. They are both Veterans medical insurance.

But they are not allowed to talk to each other. Only we can talk to them and then transfer information back and forth. I found that out in my 10,000 phone calls between all these quasi-agencies.

But I can live with this. I can do it!

RYAN COSTELLOSo I want to right here, right now, give a formal thank you to my Congressman, Ryan Costello, who I did not vote for, but who has restored my faith just a bit in the system. He worked for his constituents, regardless of their party affiliation to solve a real problem in his District. I am grateful for his attention to this problem and for his associate, Lisa Reynolds for tackling this crazy issue in record time.

See, people it can be done. People who don’t agree on everything can help one another and get things done. Wow, what a concept.

And it never hurts to laugh while helping….And dream of George Clooney’s House on the Amalfi Coast….

“You Just have to Laugh………….”

©Cathy Sikorski 2016

 

Want a Laugh? Call the VA……

Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

Although my caregiving duties have changed some, I still, like many a dutiful daughter have to deal with issues of the elderly.

As I warned you a few weeks ago, my Mom is steeped in a battle with the Veterans Administration.  They reneged on her insurance about a month ago. This insurance is for widows of Veterans. My mother was placed on this policy 15  years ago. She’s used it for all her health needs since then, until that  fateful day when they discovered their error. For points of clarity, my Mom was put on Insurance Plan A and should have been placed on Insurance Plan B.

As you can imagine, in the world of government bureaucracy, this is no easy fix. Nobody knows what to do or how to repair this problem.

What they do know how to do is create all kinds of havoc that sends little old 87 year-old ladies into shock and apoplexy.

They have begun to  take back all their insurance payments over the last year or so, thereby causing my mother to receive bills from all her medical providers day after day after day.  You may not know this about the elder generation, but if they get a bill, they pay it. Case closed. Even though these bills will eventually be paid by Insurance B, this generation can not abide being beholden to anyone, especially their doctor.

After yet another three and a half hours on the phone with fwo divisions of the Veterans Administration…Insurance A and Insurance B customer service, and  DEERS   (Defense Enrollment Eligibility System) a department from the Department of Defense, I had my Mom actually hear a customer service rep tell her not to pay any bills until this is resolved.

The first guy was named Kirk. He asked me if I had spoken to him three days ago. I assured him I had not since I was out of the country.

“Hmm” he said, because I ‘m sure I had a call from some lady about this same problem, which I never heard of until this week.I guess Insurance A is running a review of all their insureds to see who is on the wrong program…hahahha..”

Yeah. Hilarious.Oh, and by the way, I think my mother may have inadvertently started this shake down of widows from the VA about a month ago.

Person number 2 , after our second 20 minutes on hold, was David. He, too, was flummoxed by this account of our woes and told us that he could only suggest we call DEERS, because It looks like DEERS needs to confirm that my father died on October 10, 1961.

Person number 3. after a very brief 10 minute hold was Bill. Bill was ever so kind. He could see that this was a grand problem. He couldn’t understand why the two insurance companies,under the VA would not accept a death certificate (yes, my amazing, organized- with-every-shred-of-paper-ever-touching-her-fingers-Mom has  a death certificate from 1961). Then Bill searched the records and said because the ‘incident’ (meaning my father’s death on active duty) was so long ago they would have to put in  a request to …you guessed it….the Veterans Administration, to confirm my Dad’s death.

One more transfer to another department of the VA, with a lovely 20 minute wait to Stuart.  It was almost taking as long to explain this journey as it was to be on hold, but explain it I did. And, this is a true story, mind you, while searching the data base of all the information under my Mom’s name and my Dad’s name, I think Stuart thought he put me on hold. Alas, this is what I heard in his exasperated voice:

Only I KNOW the ANSWER...she said.
How do you spell “Cluster$#!!

“What a cluster fuck!”

Yep, I burst out laughing, ’cause well, yeah…indeed.

The journey continues with me filing some documents they’ve asked for, waiting for a confirmation that my Dad has been dead for 55 years to come from the Veteran’s Administration to my Mom, so that we can then send it to the VA insurance.

That’s how it has to be done they tell me. The VA can’t send it the the VA, the widow has to do it. And at least a few more weeks of comedic material for a blog called..

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

©Cathy Sikorski 2016

There’s no place like home….is there?

Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

If you want to know what people in other countries think of our political process, go there and ask.

My husband and I just returned from a visit to Ireland. Before we even got on the plane, I was sitting in the airport chatting with a 20-something lady from  Germany. She intrigued me because she was wearing a “Bernie Sanders” button. After chatting with her for a while, I said:

“You’re wearing a Sanders button, but you can’t vote here, right?”

“Yes, you’re right. I’m going home to Germany, but my boyfriend is from South Carolina and we worked on the Bernie Sanders campaign.”

“So, ” I asked her, “I am so interested in as to why so many people in Europe actually know so much about our politics?”

This is what she said:

“Because it’s hilarious!”she said gleefully with a big smile on her face. ” It’s like watching entertainment. We can’t believe you would even vote for someone like Donald Trump!”

Oh my.

But I figured that was just one young lady. And even though, I agreed that the stand-ups, talk show hosts, and pundits everywhere were practically orgasmic over the Donald Trump treasure chest of material that has fallen into their collective comedic lap, I was hoping that wasn’t the world view.

Or was I? I mean if all the planets completely misaligned on November 8, 2016 and somehow The Donald became The President, what would the world think or even do, for that matter? What would we do? How much comedy could one stand over four years?

But I didn’t have to go on a mission once I reached Ireland. The research subjects came to me every time we got in a taxi. Had I stayed longer in the pubs and drank more of those delicious milkshakes they like to call Guinness, I probably could have published a paper on this learned topic.

As soon as they heard our American accents, the taxi driver had only two questions:

“Where in America are you from?” and “Who are you voting for?”

The whole country was seemingly interested in our take on this dog and pony show we call the Presidential Race. And Ireland was in the midst of their own elections, which were apparently not nearly as entertaining!

One WayWhilst laughing raucously in the freezing rain of Galway, where they hadn’t seen the sun  for a month, the taxi driver chortled: ” and your Mr. Trump wants to build a wall to cut off Mexico, and make the Mexicans pay for it, does he? Does he not know that if the Mexicans had the money to pay for such a grand wall, they wouldn’t be coming to America for jobs? HAHAHHAHAHA!

And that my friends, is how they

“Just have to Laugh……….” in Europe and probably everywhere else!

©Cathy Sikorski 2016

Oh, if Only I could find the right Foundation…..

Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

So my eldest daughter is getting married in a few weeks. Yikes! Even saying that sends me in to labored breathing, a cold sweat and a mini panic attack. It’s the real deal wedding, and there’s a billion things to do.

Every day my ‘team’ of bridesmaids and whoever else I have managed to wrangle into this process, works on some crazy task that has to be completed by W-Day!

Over the weekend, my youngest daughter came home from the big city to get her maid of honor dress altered and help me find the proper foundation for my dress.

Yes, I don’t care what kind of dress you buy as the mother-of-the-bride, it requires the proper foundation. You can make sure every sin of your past 50 years is covered, ruched, sleeved,or enlaced, and you will still need to tuck, smooth, pucker and lift to get the fit that will be photographed from every possible non-flattering angle that any videographer, photographer, selfie freak and snapchat bitch twerking around you on the dance floor can catch at just the wrong moment.

Unless you have already done this, you have no idea how MANY choices of foundations there are on the internet, the department store and the black market for super secret coverage. But this is the thing, you either have to buy all these non-returnable undergarments, or cart this gown with  you to every dressing room in the tri-state area to take off all your clothes, put on a gown that goes over your head, weighs 10 pounds itself and then push and tuck and rearrange all the floppy, sloppy parts that you are trying to camouflage for just one day.

Eureka!  I find the magic solution to the problem areas I continue to encounter with each new failed undergarment. It’s a bra with clear sticky sides but no actual hook in the back. This foundation will not show through any lace, conflict with a low back or cause the proverbial ‘nip slip’ that a young Janet Jackson made so famous and would be cause for intense psychotherapy for all our wedding guests as something they could never ‘unsee.’

I get the bra adjusted, with my daughter’s help, I get her to zip up the side zipper on the gown. I see a bit of a look of horror on my daughter’s face, thinking: “She can’t believe how good I look in this dress!”

Then I look in the mirror.

I now have four boobs.

Two  that I’m pretty sure I own, and two that come in the lining of the dress. Since the dress has a side zipper, I can’t reach down the neckline of the dress to pull up the bra and settle it in behind the lining of the dress. My daughter pulls down the zipper and tries to reach in from the side, as I try and do the same. But with four boobs and two hands we just can’t get enough leverage to lift and separate like the happy old days of yore and Playtex.

Besides, four boobs is comical. Not like Wonder Woman, more like crazy Lucy and Ethel in a dressing room comical. And were are laughing so hard the tears are rolling down our faces…but I do not want tears of tragedy or comedy on this dress. So I get it off as quickly as I can.

I won’t lie. I tried the dress without a foundation. The only thing that did was show me that life is not worth living without a good foundation.

The dress and I are hitting the road, no not for a comedy show, to hopefully make it work baby, just in time for W-day! Wish me luck and keep laughing, kids!

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

©2016 Cathy Sikorski

Don’t Worry…..We Will Take Care of You……

Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last Friday my Mom called me, practically in tears.

“Roberta was so mean to me,” she said.

I’m thinking, “who the hell is Roberta?”.

“She’s from my medical insurance carrier. I called to ask her why a bill wasn’t paid and she said I should never have been given this insurance and I’m going to have to pay back every penny from the last 15 years.”

“And,” she went on with a worried tone, “you told me to NEVER pay a medical bill. So I don’t know what to do.”

“Calm down, Mom. We will get this worked out. It will be okay.”

My first reaction was this:

I did tell my Mom never t pay a medical bill because her insurance covers everything.

My mom has Tricare For Life Medical Insurance. This insurance is for Veterans and their families, spouses, widows, children. My Dad died in a helicopter crash as an Army pilot on October 10, 1961. My mother had five children all under the age of 10 and was pregnant with her sixth child. So I kind of think my Mom is entitled to this insurance.

The thing is, Mom never claimed this insurance until my step-father passed away in 1998. She didn’t even ask for it. She already had Medicare and AARP. But when she applied for her widows benefits after my step-father passed away, the Veteran’s Administration made her jump through all kinds of hoops with documentation and then gave her this insurance.

My mom is a Virgo.

Why does that matter? She has kept every single piece of paper that has ever come into her life. So she has every piece of documentation that transpired fifteen years ago with the Veteran’s Administration. She sent them her marriage certificate to my step-father and his death certificate.

Then, they put her on the wrong insurance.

And now they are threatening an 87 year-old widow, who raised her family of six children without a father, who never even made it to 30 years old.

After talking to seven different people at seven different government administrative places which most people never even heard of, we refiled all the documentation from 15 years ago.

Now we wait.

I know from the last 25 years of caregiving and jumping through administrative hoops that this story will not have an easy ending. There’s going to be reams of paperwork. There will likely be boatloads of nastiness. There may be a lawsuit. But in my best, Scarlett O’Hara voice: “As God is my witness….my mother will never pay one dime to fix this problem.”

It helps that I’m a lawyer.

I know you don’t think there could possibly be a laugh in here in any way. But as I was looking at some of the documents from her insurance company, I saw this:

Fun things to do while fighting with Insurance
Fun things to do while fighting with Insurance

Really?

Hmmmm…..

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

©2016 Cathy Sikorski

Play Your Cards Right…….

Brain Injury, Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , ,

Old people, sick people and those who take care of them are often faced with seemingly insurmountable tasks during the day. What may appear simple or an easy fix to others can be too overwhelming when dealing with chronic illness or infirmity.

My friend, Terri and I have been the go-to caregivers for our friend, Lisa for the past six years, since Lisa had a traumatic brain injury from a  fall down a flight of stairs. Lisa has had a miraculous recovery. But there will always be issues to handle to make her life easier. So Terri and I take care of her financial matters, and many of the medical paper work issues that haunt the chronically ill.

Very recently Terri was diagnosed with cancer. This woman is one of the bravest, most self-sacrificing people I know. And she is treating this journey like it’s just another dilemma to contend with on a day-to-day basis. There is no drama.

In addition to having her own bills, medical appointments and now the same run around and frustrations that invariably seem to accompany ‘getting healthy’, Terri has been responsible to write the checks for Lisa’s rent.

This is what happened:

Lisa: “Hey Terri, I just got a call from the landlord. They want the checks written out to a different party since they have new management.”

Terri: “Let me call them.”

Terri to Unsuspecting Rental Agent: ” Hello, this is Terri, I write the checks for Lisa’s rent.”

Unsuspecting Rental Agent: “Yes, hi Terri.  You need to write us a new check and bring it here today. Otherwise, you will be late with the rent and there is an exhorbitant and ridiculous  late fee that will seem worse punishment than the fires of hell.” (okay she just said “late fee” but we all know that she wanted to say the rest of that).

Terri: “You have my permission to change the name on the check. Just change it as you need it. ”

Unsuspecting Rental Agent: ” Oh, no we can’t do that. ”

Terri: “Yes you can and you will and I’m going to tell you why.  I have cancer. I am in the midst of chemotherapy and I cannot and will not drive to your offices to bring you another check. And there will be no late fee. That’s why you’re going to do this for me.”

Unsuspecting Rental Agent:  Long silent pause

Unsuspecting Rental Agent: “okay.”

Terri then called me laughing hysterically. Not because she didn’t believe what she said but because she was so proud of herself:

Terri: “I pulled the cancer card!!!”

Now that’s the way to deal with cancer….and unsuspecting rental assholes….agents, I mean agents.

“You Just have to Laugh…”

©2016 Cathy Sikorski

Where’s the fire?!??!!

Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

Did you ever notice that in our zeal to be loving, caring, giving and kind during the holiday season, that sometimes it can go terribly wrong?

I am fortunate enough to be able to volunteer for a cause called “Wills for Heroes.”  Lawyers, paralegals, law students, and notaries gather together at various times throughout the  year to provide free wills, powers of attorney, and living wills to first responders and their spouses at no cost to them.

This requires the lawyers and other volunteers to attend a two hour training before the event to learn the general software and concepts before the clients arrive. There are experts in the field of wills and estates who review every document before the papers are signed and notarized and the first responders are sent on their merry way with up-to-date documents.

Some of the volunteers have no experience in this field and may be first time volunteers.

My table partner was one such volunteer. We hit it off quite well before any clients arrived. We were the last table to be assigned so we waited an additional hour before we met our first couple. During that hour we had a nice conversation about our law practices, our children and our midlife careers.

We agreed that she would type the answers on the computer and I would do the talking, as I have done these events for several years, and my practice deals with these types of issues on a regular basis. Her practice was only tangentially related to wills and powers of attorney, mostly as a courtesy to her litigation clients.

I love this gig. As lawyers, we really have a wonderful opportunity to give back something that is desperately needed by these local heroes, and is often pushed aside, mostly because of cost. So we are blessed to be able to share with our brave firefighters, police officers and emergency workers just one small gift of thanks.

But in the first five minutes of our first interview, I was in volunteer hell. My partner began peeling through the questions on the screen at warp speed. While I was discussing question 13 with the clients about a glitch in the law, Computer Cruella was on question 17.

I told my partner that I was troubled by the way the document was playing out based on the information she was entering, She just kept plowing along. So I asked her, very calmly and politely, like I would with a kindergartener:

“Would you mind if we just went back a few questions? I just would like to see where the document is going, because this is weird?”

With that she got up and walked away.

The client looked at me and said, “I guess she would mind.”

I was horrified. I was humiliated in front of the client and when “Don’t-tell-me-what-to-do” returned with the expert to give me my come-uppance, as I suspected, the expert agreed with me.

Only I KNOW the ANSWER...
Only I KNOW the ANSWER…

This happened at least four more times, in various ways. Each time, when she tattled on me, the expert agreed with me. Basically because I am an expert in this field.  I take a back seat so I can sit with clients and help them get what they need. That’s the part that I enjoy.

I was tempted to leave Tattling Tessie  to her own devices and go home. I just couldn’t desert these nice, unsuspecting first responders with the possibility of documents that didn’t meet their needs.

So I sucked it up.

We were volunteers. We were not getting paid or competing for clients. I just could not figure out why she had to be such a right fighter.

When we finished with our last clients, we said our farewells, and she said to me:

“It was so nice to meet you, I am definitely going to go home and buy your book!”

?????????

Thanks? and Merry Christmas!

“You Just have to Laugh…………”

Merry Caregivers’ Christmas….

Uncategorized

Even caregivers should have a Christmas blog…if they can find it.

As my brother-in-law’s caregiver, every Christmas I was worried about how I would get Larry and that monstrous wheelchair he needed because of the devastation of MS, to my house. We had to create a makeshift ramp to get his behemoth wheelchair up the two steps into my front door. Luckily, along with my 7 siblings, I have 6 in-laws. These are very creative people.

Willy devised the ramp, and provided that ubiquitous van that appears in a few of these blogs, where he also created a Cirque de Soliel mock up of clips and straps to keep the wheel chair from swinging around like a carnival ride on the way to my house.

My husband set up the holiday table in a manner that Larry could enjoy his dinner, manipulate around the room and enter and leave for smoking with my brother, Chip and his wife, Linda who kindly refused to give up smoking so Larry would have a partner in crime.

My sister, Maggie and her daughter, Julie cooked dishes that Larry liked so he could have a real respite from institutional food. Her husband, one of those sainted in-laws, Jim, carted every dish and pie to the kitchen in special carriers he made.

Every one of my siblings, Tina, Caren, Bill, Heidi, and those fantastic in-laws, Randy and Hap all contributed in some way. Then there were the 8 grandchildren who could come, some with spouses, some with kids, some with dogs, all who brought a smile to Larry’s bearded Santa face, just like the Christmases of old when my sister, Cindy used to be with us.

And then it  happened.

Larry turned that monster truck of a wheelchair around on a dime in my hallway and put a big gouge in my red painted wall with the special textured finish. Hmmm.

It was reminiscent of the year, Willy had a weird heart episode at my sister’s house and the ambulance crew put a big divot in her hallway hardwood floor.

We looked at each other and let out a gasp.

Larry....a Santa look alike
Larry….a Santa look alike

And then we had a real Steffanci Christmas. We just laughed and laughed. it’s a wall, not nearly as great as China would build, and so what.

Merry Christmas to all caregivers everywhere, walls were meant to be taken down, especially when it’s done with love. How ’bout that Mr. Trump?

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

©2015 Cathy Sikorski

Gimme some sugar…………

Caregivers, Humor, Multiple Sclerosis, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , ,

I have found the Fountain of Youth, or so the news tells me.

For the last three or so years, I was trying desperately to get a medication removed from  my brother-in-law’s med list. The medication was called Metformin.

Larry was put on the medication to keep his blood sugar under control. One time…ONE TIME…when he was in the hospital or was having a particularly difficult medical time, he had a blood sugar test that was way out of line.

His doctor decided that he would put him on Metformin and keep an eye on his blood sugar just to make sure it wasn’t an aberration.

It was an aberration.

Every time he was admitted to the hospital in the last  years of his life, which was at least a dozen times and because he was on Metformin,  a drug used for diabetics to keep blood sugar under control, he had to eat a diabetic diet.

Larry hated a diabetic diet. Diabetics hate a diabetic diet. But Larry wasn’t a diabetic and about the only thing he enjoyed besides smoking and honey or sugar in his tea, was eating. None of which were permitted on a diabetic regimen.

He also had to have his blood sugar tested. This they did by pricking his finger before every meal. He despised that too. He couldn’t do it himself because MS robbed him of dexterity. Poking and prodding had become a daily occurrence in so many ways. Adding one more prick to the pile just…well pissed him off.

With each hospital admission, I would request that they review the medication list and his daily blood sugar and try to get him off the Metformin. In the meantime, he had to stay on that god awful diet and be prick insulted.

I won’t lie. I’d bring contraband into the hospital. I’d bring sugar for his tea. I’d bring hoagies and Peppermint Patties. Yeah, I did it. Sue me. If I could find one less thing to make his life miserable, I would do it. Because, by the way, he was NOT diabetic. Oh that.

I lobbied for that damn Metformin to go away with doctors in hospitals, doctors in nursing homes, doctors in rehab centers, and doctors’ offices. I even got some doctors to agree.

But here’s the rub.

Once a drug is on your list of meds at a hospital and you go back to the same hospital again and again, they never change that drug list. I’m pretty sure it takes an Act of Congress to make that change. Pretty sure Congress hasn’t agreed on anything since the 1800’s.

I went so far as to  change hospitals and was successful for a few days, until they decided he needed a heart healthy diet. It stopped the pricks (in so many ways) but he still couldn’t have sugar in his tea.

She could be 100 years old!
She could be 100 years old!

Yesterday, on a long drive to the airport during rush hour, I heard Robin on the Howard Stern show (yes, you now know one of my dirty little secrets….I love Howard) report that a new drug may help us to live to 120 years old!! Howard loved that idea, if you are lucky to be healthy and enjoy another 50 or 60 years.

This miracle drug is…………..you guessed it…………….Metformin. If you can navigate your healthcare or you want to live in a world of pricks.

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

© 2015 Cathy Sikorski

 

 

Meet my friend!

Uncategorized

Today you are in for a special treat. This is my friend Luann and she is one of the funniest and best storytellers I’ve ever heard! She gave me permission to share this with my readers to give them quite a laugh today. Next week, for Thanksgiving…you get to hear my story!  And remember oh lovely and appreciated readers….

“You Just Have to Laugh…”