A case for the Paper………….

Humor, Uncategorized, , , ,

Midlife has it’s ups and downs.

One of my downs is sitting down about a hundred times a day to pee. This was even before my new healthy diet regimen.

My new diet requires me to drink half my body weight in water every day. I try to get this accomplished by lunchtime so that I’m not up all night in the loo. But during the day, I scout out ladies’ rooms as soon as I enter any establishment.

For some reason, I have now become the toilet paper goddess. Every where I go, and I go everywhere, the toilet paper roll beckons me to refill her. Initially, I thought this was a random event.

“Sure,” I thought out loud in a stall in Wegman’s grocery store one day, “you need a new roll!”

“No,” came the nervous reply from the next stall, “I’m fine, really.”

Oops. Talking out loud seems to be another phase of aging.

Then I noticed how deft I became at all kinds of different toilet paper delivery systems. It was like I was training to be a Navy Seal. I had to get the old roll off, the new roll unwrapped, slipped on the shaft, and snapped back into place, and unravel the glued end for use in record time. Pretty sure I was almost ready to take on an M16.

Actual Rolls Waiting for Me
Actual Rolls Waiting for Me

TP2 TP3

Eventually, it started to piss me off…pun intended.

Why oh why am I the only human being on this earth who knows how to change a roll of toilet paper? When I enter the stall and the paper is empty or one square is hanging on for dear life, I reflect on how it was just too much trouble for the last user to make this  effort for the next guest.

Okay. Fine.

Since part of my  new spiritual diet is being grateful, I decided to be grateful for every opportunity I have to make the next person’s ablutions an exceptional experience. I am grateful that there is in fact, another roll of toilet paper to be installed. I’m grateful that my bladder is working so well that I can discover a lavatory with internal radar from 50 feet.

I thought about giving up all these diets, but then who would be there to change the toilet paper?

“You Just have to Laugh….”

©Cathy Sikorski 2015

 

0 thoughts on “A case for the Paper………….”

  1. I’m amazed that all you TP queens, and bless each one, have figured out HOW to change the roll at all! I believe they are secretly padlocked somehow. And those super big ones that you are supposed to be able to slide the panel over to get to a new roll, don’t work. Sticking my fingers between the armor covering the golden roll of paper, trying desperately to get one full square is WORK!

  2. Cathy you are to funny. this one does not need words. i really need to stop reading your blog on the bus when i commute. people are beginning to think i’m crazy for laughing out loud!!
    love you Cathy. you are great!!!!!!! 🙂 oh yes, i had to laugh and still are!!!!

  6. This is hilarious! I always wondered why people have an aversion to replacing the TP? It is so annoying to have to use the toilet seat cover to wipe yourself! Speaking of TP in public places….I think it is getting thinner and thinner. In airports I think I might as well wipe myself with my own hand the TP is so thin!

    1. You know, you’re right! I just realized that even the quality of the TP doesn’t meet my standards…of course, I would know that from the replacing AND the using!

  7. Wow, that’s a lot of water to drink. No wonder you’re the TP queen. I thank goodness for people like you when I walk into a public restroom and there’s a fresh roll!

  8. I hate public restrooms, particularly when people don’t replenish toilet paper. And of course I usually discover this when it is too late … #epicfail. LOVE your posts, girlfriend!

  9. My husband will leave a single, shredded square dangling precariously from the cardboard roll just to avoid changing out for a new roll. No judge will ever convict me if I have to eventually take him out.

  10. Cathy,
    You are the Queen of the TP Rolls! I thought I was, but will give it to you. I really felt I could not be the only person changing them, including in other people’s houses. It is like they know I am coming and they are waiting for me to change it! The other roll is even waiting.

    Happy being pissed off on the roll race :{

    Luv,
    Beth

  12. You made my day with a laugh out loud! SO enjoy your posts — expressing what so many of us feel, do and say!! I caretake my 93 year-old mother and want to write my own blog — but I require about four hours of sleep each night. Where and how do you find the time??? Oh, and thank you! 🙂

    1. YOU MAKE MY DAY!!! Just by reading and commenting I always feel I have a friend out there. There’s plenty of room for all us caregivers to blog about this phase of our life. Once in awhile, I like to give my readers a break from the caregving and let them know I’m just a bit crazy without it. Thanks so much for your happy laughs!