Category Archives: Caregivers

Frost and a Sweat………..

Caregivers, Humor, , , , , ,

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I took both of them…

I was sitting around in my workout clothes, pretending to think about going to the gym. But I thought a tougher work out would really build my stamina.

I decided to try and tackle Medicare and the VA on the same day.  See tackling is a form of exercise.

First stop, the VA. Truthfully, after examining my own guns, I knew it was time to call in the big guns and went right to my U.S. Representative in Congress to get help. I was done pussy-footing around. I called my Rep’s local office and was met with immediate efficiency and comprehension.

Like an innocent child, who has a learning curve the size of the Earth’s parabola (I don’t even know if that’s a ‘thing’ but it sounded really big to me) I believed that help was on the way quickly, and all my problems would be solved post-haste. And by using Ye Olde English terms like ‘post-haste,’ I would surely be drinking celebratory sherry in the drawing room at the end of the day!

But before these kind people could step in, they asked me to call the local VA office. See, the Rep had friends in high places. He is actually on the Congressional committee that deals with the VA. I was instructed to call the VA office in town, speak to the director there and immediately call back the Congressional Aide to let her know the result.  This was the result.

“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry your mother is having a problem with her medical insurance. That’s terrible,” said the kind woman who answered the VA phone. “I will have the director call you as soon as he is available.”

I must admit, not 10 minutes later, the kind woman who answered the phone called back.

“The ( cowardly, okay she didn’t say that but the tremor in her voice said it all)director says he wouldn’t know where to begin to help you. This problem is too complicated and he’s never seen it before. So you need to call your Congressman right back to help you.”

This from the director of the local Veteran’s Administration Office. My workout was quickly becoming the use of one finger……the dialing finger. Why, which finger were you thinking?

Meanwhile back at the ranch, thinking it would take a while for the VA to return my call, I hopped on another line (hopping is also exercise) and landed on infinite ‘hold’ for Medicare.

After following their instructions three weeks ago by filing Executor papers at the Social Security Office, and calling each week to see if they ‘received’ the papers that were scanned into the computer right before my eyes, I am now told that I must follow a completely different procedure before they will talk to me about unpaid medical claims for my deceased brother-in-law.

By the way, not one person I spoke to at Medicare or Social Security both on the phone and in person….and there were dozens of these people………..actually knows what an Executor is or does. So that was fun to explain. Explaining can cause sweating and does require mental exercise.

There were more phone calls and more paperwork created as you can see:

Medicare Papers

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood (yellow..for cowards?)

….and I took both the difficult ones….. ’cause, you know, that’s where all the fun and cardio begins!

“You Just Have to  Laugh………….”

©2016 Cathy Sikorski

I see….no wait, I don’t see……

Brain Injury, Caregivers, Humor, , , , , , , ,

Last week I took my friend, Lisa, to the eye doctor. This is the Scheie Eye Institute, a very prestigious hospital dedicated to eye care.

We’ve been there many times over the last five years. Our last visit was six months ago and now we were back for a follow-up visit. But something was new.

When we arrived at the Institute, as usual, we went to the front desk.  In the past, the front desk checked you in and then you waited to go to an attendant at a numbered station to confirm your insurance, appointment time and any other preliminary questions.

As we approached the front desk on this day, we were told to immediately go over to the standing computer terminals and check ourselves in.

Now the average age of the patients in this rather expansive waiting room seemed to be about 79 years old. I have no doubt that the senior community has many computer savvy members, but not everyone can adjust to any computer that is thrown in front of them.  As one who continues to discover that ‘user friendly’ and ‘intuitive’ are really just adjectives for “get me a 12 year-old over here, stat!”, I was certain that many of these patients were struggling with this new set-up.

Add to that,these computers were at standing stations. I would say at least in an unscientific review of the crowd…. and by that I mean looking at them,  half of the patients were in wheelchairs or using canes or walkers. Standing at a computer terminal would be, at the very least, uncomfortable, at most, impossible.

One more thing.

You may recall this is the Scheie Eye Institute. So……this is a place where people go who are having trouble seeing.  You know, eye patches, eye surgery, eye pain, eye problems.

Based on my knowledge of the scientific method, which I learned from my kids when they had to study fourth grade science, this new system may experience a few glitches.

Hmm. Something's Fishy!
Hmm. Something’s Fishy!

I will say this, Lisa and I were laughing hysterically for hours, even on the way home when we just kept saying but it’s the Scheie Eye Institute!

That’s all it took to make us giggle, ’cause………….

“You Just Have to Laugh…….”

©2016 Cathy Sikorski

Don’t Worry…..We Will Take Care of You……

Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Last Friday my Mom called me, practically in tears.

“Roberta was so mean to me,” she said.

I’m thinking, “who the hell is Roberta?”.

“She’s from my medical insurance carrier. I called to ask her why a bill wasn’t paid and she said I should never have been given this insurance and I’m going to have to pay back every penny from the last 15 years.”

“And,” she went on with a worried tone, “you told me to NEVER pay a medical bill. So I don’t know what to do.”

“Calm down, Mom. We will get this worked out. It will be okay.”

My first reaction was this:

I did tell my Mom never t pay a medical bill because her insurance covers everything.

My mom has Tricare For Life Medical Insurance. This insurance is for Veterans and their families, spouses, widows, children. My Dad died in a helicopter crash as an Army pilot on October 10, 1961. My mother had five children all under the age of 10 and was pregnant with her sixth child. So I kind of think my Mom is entitled to this insurance.

The thing is, Mom never claimed this insurance until my step-father passed away in 1998. She didn’t even ask for it. She already had Medicare and AARP. But when she applied for her widows benefits after my step-father passed away, the Veteran’s Administration made her jump through all kinds of hoops with documentation and then gave her this insurance.

My mom is a Virgo.

Why does that matter? She has kept every single piece of paper that has ever come into her life. So she has every piece of documentation that transpired fifteen years ago with the Veteran’s Administration. She sent them her marriage certificate to my step-father and his death certificate.

Then, they put her on the wrong insurance.

And now they are threatening an 87 year-old widow, who raised her family of six children without a father, who never even made it to 30 years old.

After talking to seven different people at seven different government administrative places which most people never even heard of, we refiled all the documentation from 15 years ago.

Now we wait.

I know from the last 25 years of caregiving and jumping through administrative hoops that this story will not have an easy ending. There’s going to be reams of paperwork. There will likely be boatloads of nastiness. There may be a lawsuit. But in my best, Scarlett O’Hara voice: “As God is my witness….my mother will never pay one dime to fix this problem.”

It helps that I’m a lawyer.

I know you don’t think there could possibly be a laugh in here in any way. But as I was looking at some of the documents from her insurance company, I saw this:

Fun things to do while fighting with Insurance
Fun things to do while fighting with Insurance

Really?

Hmmmm…..

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

©2016 Cathy Sikorski

Play Your Cards Right…….

Brain Injury, Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , ,

Old people, sick people and those who take care of them are often faced with seemingly insurmountable tasks during the day. What may appear simple or an easy fix to others can be too overwhelming when dealing with chronic illness or infirmity.

My friend, Terri and I have been the go-to caregivers for our friend, Lisa for the past six years, since Lisa had a traumatic brain injury from a  fall down a flight of stairs. Lisa has had a miraculous recovery. But there will always be issues to handle to make her life easier. So Terri and I take care of her financial matters, and many of the medical paper work issues that haunt the chronically ill.

Very recently Terri was diagnosed with cancer. This woman is one of the bravest, most self-sacrificing people I know. And she is treating this journey like it’s just another dilemma to contend with on a day-to-day basis. There is no drama.

In addition to having her own bills, medical appointments and now the same run around and frustrations that invariably seem to accompany ‘getting healthy’, Terri has been responsible to write the checks for Lisa’s rent.

This is what happened:

Lisa: “Hey Terri, I just got a call from the landlord. They want the checks written out to a different party since they have new management.”

Terri: “Let me call them.”

Terri to Unsuspecting Rental Agent: ” Hello, this is Terri, I write the checks for Lisa’s rent.”

Unsuspecting Rental Agent: “Yes, hi Terri.  You need to write us a new check and bring it here today. Otherwise, you will be late with the rent and there is an exhorbitant and ridiculous  late fee that will seem worse punishment than the fires of hell.” (okay she just said “late fee” but we all know that she wanted to say the rest of that).

Terri: “You have my permission to change the name on the check. Just change it as you need it. ”

Unsuspecting Rental Agent: ” Oh, no we can’t do that. ”

Terri: “Yes you can and you will and I’m going to tell you why.  I have cancer. I am in the midst of chemotherapy and I cannot and will not drive to your offices to bring you another check. And there will be no late fee. That’s why you’re going to do this for me.”

Unsuspecting Rental Agent:  Long silent pause

Unsuspecting Rental Agent: “okay.”

Terri then called me laughing hysterically. Not because she didn’t believe what she said but because she was so proud of herself:

Terri: “I pulled the cancer card!!!”

Now that’s the way to deal with cancer….and unsuspecting rental assholes….agents, I mean agents.

“You Just have to Laugh…”

©2016 Cathy Sikorski

A Christmas Story……….

Caregivers, Humor, , , ,

 

On Sat, Dec 19, 2015 at 4:30 PM ( MY NEPHEW Wrote)

Dearest Aunt,

Could you find it in your heart to take a few minutes out of your busy day and send me the mailing address of the ( my brother and his son)? It would be most helpful of you and I would owe you my gratitude.

Yours,
Mr. J Doodles ( A NAME WE ALL CALLED HIM WHEN HE WAS A TODDLER)

 

On Dec 19, 2015, at 9:48 PM, Cathy Sikorski <cathy.sikorski@gmail.com> wrote:

Dear Mr. J Doodles,

Here is the requested information: (Info redacted to protect those unsuspecting relatives)

I will be sure and keep the ‘chit’ you owe me for this great burden and use it in the future when I find it  most necessary!

By the way, love our thermometer, except it’s broken . I debated telling you. I don’t want you to go to any additional expense but thought you’d want to know. Hope you all have a wonderful Merry Merry Christmas. We will try and call  you on Christmas day before we go to your other aunt’s for dinner. Love you all! So excited that you’re coming to  thewedding!!! Love A. Cathy

Cathleen S. Sikorski, Esq.

My Darling Aunt,

I am so sorry to hear about the damage incurred by the United States Postal Service. I was quite concerned about the thermometer making the arduous northern trek unmolested, as it is such a fragile thing. Thank you for telling me about this calamity and rest assured this wrong shall be righted.

Thank you for the addresses. It makes physical correspondence with the New Jersey relatives much more convenient. You have made the impossible, possible. You can add that to your long resume of assisting others with their most dire needs. And as for the ‘chit’, you deserve it, as I am sure you have a huge pile of chit from your years of caring for those who need it. Every time I see your face I think of all of the great things that you have done for me and my family and all of the chits that face has garnered. So in my eyes, you are always chit-faced.

Thank you again, and may your holidays be filled with friends, health, and good cheer,

– Mr. J Doodles

Wormed out of my Apple

See….it’s genetic..

“You Just Have to Laugh…..”

©2015 Cathy Sikorski

Where’s the fire?!??!!

Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , , ,

Did you ever notice that in our zeal to be loving, caring, giving and kind during the holiday season, that sometimes it can go terribly wrong?

I am fortunate enough to be able to volunteer for a cause called “Wills for Heroes.”  Lawyers, paralegals, law students, and notaries gather together at various times throughout the  year to provide free wills, powers of attorney, and living wills to first responders and their spouses at no cost to them.

This requires the lawyers and other volunteers to attend a two hour training before the event to learn the general software and concepts before the clients arrive. There are experts in the field of wills and estates who review every document before the papers are signed and notarized and the first responders are sent on their merry way with up-to-date documents.

Some of the volunteers have no experience in this field and may be first time volunteers.

My table partner was one such volunteer. We hit it off quite well before any clients arrived. We were the last table to be assigned so we waited an additional hour before we met our first couple. During that hour we had a nice conversation about our law practices, our children and our midlife careers.

We agreed that she would type the answers on the computer and I would do the talking, as I have done these events for several years, and my practice deals with these types of issues on a regular basis. Her practice was only tangentially related to wills and powers of attorney, mostly as a courtesy to her litigation clients.

I love this gig. As lawyers, we really have a wonderful opportunity to give back something that is desperately needed by these local heroes, and is often pushed aside, mostly because of cost. So we are blessed to be able to share with our brave firefighters, police officers and emergency workers just one small gift of thanks.

But in the first five minutes of our first interview, I was in volunteer hell. My partner began peeling through the questions on the screen at warp speed. While I was discussing question 13 with the clients about a glitch in the law, Computer Cruella was on question 17.

I told my partner that I was troubled by the way the document was playing out based on the information she was entering, She just kept plowing along. So I asked her, very calmly and politely, like I would with a kindergartener:

“Would you mind if we just went back a few questions? I just would like to see where the document is going, because this is weird?”

With that she got up and walked away.

The client looked at me and said, “I guess she would mind.”

I was horrified. I was humiliated in front of the client and when “Don’t-tell-me-what-to-do” returned with the expert to give me my come-uppance, as I suspected, the expert agreed with me.

Only I KNOW the ANSWER...
Only I KNOW the ANSWER…

This happened at least four more times, in various ways. Each time, when she tattled on me, the expert agreed with me. Basically because I am an expert in this field.  I take a back seat so I can sit with clients and help them get what they need. That’s the part that I enjoy.

I was tempted to leave Tattling Tessie  to her own devices and go home. I just couldn’t desert these nice, unsuspecting first responders with the possibility of documents that didn’t meet their needs.

So I sucked it up.

We were volunteers. We were not getting paid or competing for clients. I just could not figure out why she had to be such a right fighter.

When we finished with our last clients, we said our farewells, and she said to me:

“It was so nice to meet you, I am definitely going to go home and buy your book!”

?????????

Thanks? and Merry Christmas!

“You Just have to Laugh…………”

Gimme some sugar…………

Caregivers, Humor, Multiple Sclerosis, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , ,

I have found the Fountain of Youth, or so the news tells me.

For the last three or so years, I was trying desperately to get a medication removed from  my brother-in-law’s med list. The medication was called Metformin.

Larry was put on the medication to keep his blood sugar under control. One time…ONE TIME…when he was in the hospital or was having a particularly difficult medical time, he had a blood sugar test that was way out of line.

His doctor decided that he would put him on Metformin and keep an eye on his blood sugar just to make sure it wasn’t an aberration.

It was an aberration.

Every time he was admitted to the hospital in the last  years of his life, which was at least a dozen times and because he was on Metformin,  a drug used for diabetics to keep blood sugar under control, he had to eat a diabetic diet.

Larry hated a diabetic diet. Diabetics hate a diabetic diet. But Larry wasn’t a diabetic and about the only thing he enjoyed besides smoking and honey or sugar in his tea, was eating. None of which were permitted on a diabetic regimen.

He also had to have his blood sugar tested. This they did by pricking his finger before every meal. He despised that too. He couldn’t do it himself because MS robbed him of dexterity. Poking and prodding had become a daily occurrence in so many ways. Adding one more prick to the pile just…well pissed him off.

With each hospital admission, I would request that they review the medication list and his daily blood sugar and try to get him off the Metformin. In the meantime, he had to stay on that god awful diet and be prick insulted.

I won’t lie. I’d bring contraband into the hospital. I’d bring sugar for his tea. I’d bring hoagies and Peppermint Patties. Yeah, I did it. Sue me. If I could find one less thing to make his life miserable, I would do it. Because, by the way, he was NOT diabetic. Oh that.

I lobbied for that damn Metformin to go away with doctors in hospitals, doctors in nursing homes, doctors in rehab centers, and doctors’ offices. I even got some doctors to agree.

But here’s the rub.

Once a drug is on your list of meds at a hospital and you go back to the same hospital again and again, they never change that drug list. I’m pretty sure it takes an Act of Congress to make that change. Pretty sure Congress hasn’t agreed on anything since the 1800’s.

I went so far as to  change hospitals and was successful for a few days, until they decided he needed a heart healthy diet. It stopped the pricks (in so many ways) but he still couldn’t have sugar in his tea.

She could be 100 years old!
She could be 100 years old!

Yesterday, on a long drive to the airport during rush hour, I heard Robin on the Howard Stern show (yes, you now know one of my dirty little secrets….I love Howard) report that a new drug may help us to live to 120 years old!! Howard loved that idea, if you are lucky to be healthy and enjoy another 50 or 60 years.

This miracle drug is…………..you guessed it…………….Metformin. If you can navigate your healthcare or you want to live in a world of pricks.

“You Just have to Laugh…..”

© 2015 Cathy Sikorski

 

 

Out of the mouths of babes………..

Caregivers, Humor, Multiple Sclerosis, , , , , ,

When my sister died from breast cancer in 1995 she was just 41 years old.  My daughters were 6 years old and 3 years old. At their age, they knew it was a sad affair, but they were resilient enough that they adapted to the sorrow around them with the beauty that young children have. They made the grown-ups smile and realize that happiness could and would return one day, even if in a different way.

Trips to the cemetery weren’t really unusual for us. My Dad died when I was a little girl, my Pop-Pop was buried there and quite frankly the cemetery was bucolic, filled with flowers and beautiful. I also grew up across the street from two different cemeteries. We used to play there all the time. So I took my girls to our church cemetery when they were young, sometimes with my Mom or my Nana. We would plant flowers, the kids would get water from the old fashioned pump, and run between the headstones plucking billowy headed dandelions and blowing them into the air, making wishes.

So cemeteries were not a sad place for my girls. Four months after she died, it was my sister’s 42nd birthday. I told the girls I wanted to take something to Aunt Cindy’s grave. They wanted to go to the Dollar Store and get balloons, like we did for their school parties. I thought that might be a nice idea. So off we went.

There were dozens of balloons decorating the walls and racks of the dollar store. I was surprised that the girls went right to the balloons to make their choices. They were usually distracted by the thousand different trinkets, candies, and party supplies that assaulted you as you walked in the door.

But they were on a serious mission.

Rachel, the big sister, picked first.

“I like this one, Mommy,” she chirped.

I immediately teared up and tried to stay happy and positive. Rachel could read by this time and the balloon said, “I miss you….”

“Of course, we will take that one, Rachey.”

Margot was still diligently looking through all the birthday greetings, the balloons with numbers on them and the ones in black were not to her liking. And then she found it, the perfect balloon to honor her Aunt Cindy,

“I want this one, Mommy!”

“Really, Margot?” I said a bit slowly, since my three year-old couldn’t read just yet.  “Why do you like that one?”

“It’s pretty, Mommy. It has pretty flowers on it and Aunt Cindy would like that.”

“Yes, sweetie, she truly would.”

Get Well 1Aunt Cindy would like the sentiment a thousand times more than the flowers… So I bought an identical one for Uncle Larry this week, as they are buried together, having a chuckle I hope.

“You Just have to Laugh………..”

©2015 Cathy Sikorski

Meeeooowwww…………!!!!

Caregivers, Humor, Uncategorized, , , , , ,

Don’t ever think you have your elders figured out……..they will surprise you, I promise.

Sometimes my Mom comes up with things that I cannot comprehend where she learned it. She’s not on Facebook or Instagram or god-forbid, Snapchat. She has a cell phone that we lovingly refer to as an Amish phone.  It’s an old flip phone. Lately she has discovered texting but she often texts back a cat for some reason and often words that no one can translate.

But all that being said, she does use a computer and and iPad and tries valiantly to stay in the 21st century.

So we were out for lunch today and she told me this story:

“So your sister called me for her weekly check-in,” she said nonchalantly

“Oh that’s nice.” I mumbled through my vegetarian chili. “What’s new with her?”

“Nothing much,” my mom said as she stabbed her salad with enthusiasm. “But when she called, my tenant, Mark was just coming in the door to help me move a table.”

My Mom has a small apartment in the back of her house. Right now she has a lovely couple, Mark and Cindy who have adopted her as their Mom.  They do things like sweep up the pine cones off her driveway, watch out for her when she comes home late at night and exchange treats. Mark is probably around 40-something. Mark and Cindy are moving soon and my Mom is going to miss them.

So when Mark walked in to my Mom’s kitchen and she was on the phone with my sister this is what transpired:

“Oh, Caren  (that’s my sister), my sweetheart just walked in!”,my Mom said in her most girlish voice.

“Really?” replied the surprised Caren, as my 87 year-old Mom has made it very clear she likes living the Carmelite existence. “who’s your sweethearr?”

Another unsuspecting prey!
Another unsuspecting prey!

Caren, I’m sure, was thinking it was one of the grandchildren or even a son-in-law coming to do some chore or other that couldn’t wait…like bringing up the Christmas tree on October 29th.

“It’s my tenant, Mark!” my mom replied.

Then….with Mark right there in her kitchen and Caren listening intently on the phone, my Mom said, with a twinkle in her eye (I know this because she related the story with just that verve);

“I’m a cougar!”

“You Just have to Laugh…………..”

©2015 Cathy Sikorski

”